Its been a while since I’ve written anything on this site. Between updating my personal social media following with an inside look at my life on a daily basis and doing the same from a professional standpoint on our nonprofit organizations page, its been tough finding time to get here but, today those excuses didn’t stop me!
To be one hundred percent truthful, I’ve been in a fog mentally. This pandemic has done a number on a number of things but, it has affected my depression a great deal. It’s made every day feel more like a fight. Some day’s its for my happiness and others, its for my life. Sounds serious because at times, it is. You see, visiting children as Spider-Man was everything that made me tick. All those beautiful moments and smiles I helped create is what got me out of bed every morning and kept me going when things got difficult. In over 250 days, I haven’t been able to suit up as Spider-Man in person for children and the absence has taken a piece of my soul. Instead of being the man behind the mask of a hero fueling this amazing bigger than life greater than self mission, I’m delivering food via doordash and or instacart. I cant help but feel that what I uniquely offer this world isn’t being utilized at the moment. Its hard sitting in that when you’re a person who has been driven his entire life by a great sense of purpose (especially the last 6 years as Spider-Man). So where do I go from here? Where do I place this drive instead of pausing it and being depressed because of it? Questions I ask myself daily.
When I’m not submerged in the trenches of my own mental warfare, I have these amazing moments of clarity where I can look back on everything I’ve had to push through and realize, it hasn’t made me weaker but, stronger. Like, maybe even all the struggle has a purpose as well and it was never to destroy me but to purge all my flaws and fears to the surface forcing me to work on them and slay them. This frame of mind is my favorite because I not only recognize hints of who I used to be (someone I associate with being stronger than I am currently) but, I see the me of tomorrow who carries a strength and walks tall than I ever have before.
I fight through my depression daily and kind of feel like a hamster on a wheel who’s running in place but, it reality I am moving forward. Maybe not too fast on the surface in the real world but on the inside, I’m evolving. An evolution of self. Along with a strong sense of faith and newfound confidence, I’m positive everything on the surface will soon evolve too. After all, change is inevitable. It may be scary but, everything I’ve ever done in life is scary and has had some level of risk.
With all of that being said, I feel its time to dive head first into the one thing that I’ve always had a passion for and has been the essential bridge between what I experience as Spider-Man visiting children and all of you out there who want to know what they go through and what its like. I’m talking about writing. Its been a huge part of my life since I was 9 years old. When its time to get back to being Spider-Man, I’ll do that but right now, I must allow the evolution of self to align with the changes happening on the surface. Fighting it would be pointless. My heart, my passion, my wisdom, my stories, and my experiences belong to the world and I rather share them with all of you than be buried with all of it someday. That would be equal to being buried with priceless treasures that do me no good in the afterlife, but could help so many in this one.
I’ve always believed I was more than just one thing in life. The world and the way its set up doesn’t like that much because society loves to place labels and categorize people into boxes since its comforting to know where a person is coming from and where they’re going. Easier to control them I guess. Well, that’s not me and never has been. Take my advice and never cram everything you’re capable of being into the box of what you feel you should be due to how the blueprint of society attempts to guide you. Be ALL the great things you are and embrace the evolution of self. We’re all better for it.
Here’s to tomorrow.
– Ricky Mena